Last month, I read a great blog post titled “Relationship Libertarianism” about how some people take the precepts of Relationship Anarchy and twist them to justify never forming any attachments or making any commitments. Relationship anarchy isn’t about never forming commitments. It just says you should form your own commitments. You shouldn’t form commitments just because society says you need this particular commitment to consider your relationship successful or that particular commitment before you have a child or that particular commitment to be worthwhile.
I’m gonna argue that rather than abolishing wedding vows (I quoted the recommended Catholic wedding vows in an earlier post), the right anarchist thing to do is to make vows with everyone! Not the same vows with everyone. Not the ones you copied off of Perfect-Wedding-Every-Time.com. But, vows, man!
What Might That Look Like?
Here is one that I’m working on for a friend:
We’ve known each other for a long time, now. Our lives have both changed tremendously in that time. Yet, with each bend in the river, each turn of our lives, I see even more how lucky I am that we’re travelling together. It is an honor for me to call you my friend.
I promise you, (name), that I will cherish our friendship, nourish it with time and patience, and share its fruits with you. I promise to be present with you in good times and bad. I promise you the warmth of my heart for all of my life. I promise you my care and compassion when you are in need. I promise to share in your sorrows and in your joys.
I promise you this for as long as my heart beats.
For one of my “whoa, I think of this person as a partner again” partners:
From within months of getting to know you, I knew that I wanted to share in your old age with you. I want to see you navigate your life. I want to share in your dreams for your future and the future of everyone on this planet.
Our paths have diverged significantly in the last three years, but that’s done nothing to change what I want from our future.
I promise to make sure you are cared for when you need care, have a shoulder to lean on when you need one, have shelter and love and space and joy and peace and music and touch for all of my life.
For someone I barely know:
We have hardly even met, yet I feel like my heart knows you. I have awakened several times this week with your voice in my head. I don’t know if we are heading the same direction in this lifetime, but I promise you that I will, forever, be listening for your words, your sounds, your tongue.
Who are the important people in your life? What commitments are you willing to make to them?